Not An Angel Yet

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Leave me alone, I'm not an angel yet...

I always listen to this song by City Sleeps whenever I am troubled or, really sad. But when I'm happy, it's like this song doesn't even exist to me. I know, I'm weird. After over a month of enduring & trying to stay strong, trying to find out what's actually going on, I'm finally giving in and listening to this song again. I can't deny that I'm worried. & I can't deny that I've been pretending to be alright & lying to myself into being positive when I know I can never feel fine again until the problem resolves.

Or will it ever be resolved?

I'm tired of smiling in front of my friends, family & bf so they don't worry abt me. Although the other night I sorta had an unintentional silent breakdown (I call it silent cos, I tried so hard not to cry w any sound lol..) in front of the bf when I was laying in bed & he was on his computer, cos I couldn't control those worrying thoughts much longer. I felt like I was about to burst.

But I guess, whatever happens, happens. Life is beyond my control & if it's too late to regret, I'll just have to accept my fate. It's all my own fault anyway. I'm responsible fr myself.

Please excuse my emo-ness lol but my blog is my space to express & stuff, as usual :X

**

On a brighter note, I finally got a desktop again :D All thanks to bf!! ♥ A desktop in my room, so happy hehe. My laptop died but it served me well all these years.

I also got back from Tokyo, Japan not long ago. I miss Japan alrdy. Wish to stay thr. If only..



Going thr made me start to love nature, so so much ♥ I wish to see as much as I can. New #wishlist. Can't believe what I've been missing out this whole time. All I wanted to do was party & enjoy the city life. I also get homesick easily. Well nt anymoreee!

Bought a new camera fr this trip & I'm deeply in love w it. Just look! No filter needed *heart eyes* The weather was superb & everything was beautiful. Definitely another kind of therapy. Felt so amazing.

DWP @ Jakarta in 3 more days! Been sometime since I went to a rave. First one w bf & bestie Grace too. So I'm looking forward to it! Will try my best to enjoy myself :) Proper update soon, x.

& thankyou if you read all my ramblings.
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