My love & hate relationship with food story wtf

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Dear Raine, PLEASE. STOP. EATING! These few days within 8 hours I can eat 3 times leh wtf. Which is waaay more than my usual. Normally one day I will eat 1-2 times only. Idk what's wrong with me T^T Last week, smtg happened which caused me to lose my appetite COMPLETELY for a whole 24 hours. I only forced myself to down less than half a bowl of rice with some veges plus shreds of chicken & man, it was so hard to swallow but I knew that I had to otherwise I'd have no energy for the entire night out. Then, I had terrible gastric which didn't go away for like 2 days. It was a feeling that I've never felt in a very long time & it was really painful :/ Now that it went away, I started eating like a monster ever since. Worse than a vacuum cleaner wtf.

It all started during high school. I don't quite remember lah but a boy who sat in front of me randomly turned around & called me fat in front of other students then laughed like there's no tomorrow, embarrassing me in front of so many people (。-_-。) Wna know the best part? He WAS fat & still is. Pot calling the kettle black. I didn't quite get it & I didn't even know it would be such a sensitive issue since no one's ever called me fat before.. & NO your guess is wrong, I didn't like him at all. Idk why I believed those words lor. Probably cos I was very young lah & tell me, who likes to be made fun of? If it's now ah, I would stab him with a spoon or something wtf. I would tell him "Stfu bitch I'm fabulous" wtf instead of keeping quiet & start to over analyze things and weigh myself on the scale every time I got out of the shower. I became very self conscious. Super dumb.

Then I met a few girl friends who felt the same way too. We talked about this together & cried together zz, feeling like we'll never be good enough for the harsh society. I see a different me in the mirror, a bigger sized version of me. I was so weak that a stupid comment like that managed to affect me for so long till I got used to it. & it wasn't only cos of that lah, it was also cos of other reasons which made me that way but I cannot say here.

Okay so back then (yes, this continued on even after I left high school) I'd get all excited whenever I get gastric bcos it meant that I successfully starved myself & was losing weight. I used to be so obsessed about being skinny although I already was! I weighed only 35-38kgs & would freak out when the meter got close to 40. & I actually did 100 situps every two days. All my friends said that I looked sick & unhealthy but I was very stubborn.. all the way till I was 19 years old. Later, I met someone & he kept lovingly feeding me like mad wtf. He doesn't understand why a person would eat so little & not feel hungry. Said he couldn't stand to see me that way. He eats 3-4 meals a day & I spent a lot of time with him. I slowly started to enjoy food with him & kind of forgotten about my starvation diet thing. Probably cos I was deliriously happy & dreamy wtf. Since then I am 42kgs average, mostly between 40-42, it won't go higher or lower than that & it doesn't bother me anymore :)

We would introduce different restaurants to each other. I would recommend those that he haven't try before & vice versa and we enjoy every moment of it! In fact, right now I'm craving for soft shell crab hand roll & ebikko sushi wtf. And Ikea meatballs is a must!! Hungry liao. Although my eating habits still highly depends on my mood I guess. When I'm sad, I don't eat anything also no prob but when I'm happy I'd eat one or two meals a day then hunt for dessert. Which is okay lah I think, so much better than before! I am still underweight but I think maintaining this will do. Okay that's all for my story thanks for yr time wtf.
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Brand New Start

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I deleted all my previous posts. Heart pain but the title explains it all.. I want a brand new start *\(^o^)/* The header is just temporary though, till I can find better pictures since I'm so lousy at editing. & don't ask why I suddenly become triplets lol. As if one of me is not enough trouble. Let's start off with an introduction, shall we? No I don't think so cos I'm quite bad at introducing myself why am I talking to myself (~_~;) *pokerface.jpg* Hmm anyways, I haven't been doing much lately. Very unproductive & too relaxed. Dived deep into my comfort zone & it's so hard to get out now. Somebody pinch me & wake me from daydreaming please!

Been having some problems the past few months which made me realize many things. I was so blind. Blinded by unrealistic thoughts & expectations. It's my fault for not listening to everyone's advice, which was supposed to be for my own good. This has taught me a huge lesson that will apply for the rest of my life. Next time I will think twice, three times, four, before I do something. Especially if it's a big decision. I won't be like my old self anymore. All my life I do things without considering the consequences or doing any research beforehand. Whatever happens next, happens, just go with the flow. Which is really stupid lor, I've NO idea why I think that way! So when I finally fall, that's when it hurts badly & cuts me deep then I start to realize.. that sometimes, don't ask too much. Be contented.

I wish I could turn back & undo what I've done but I believe that everything happens for a reason. So I would try my best to stay positive somehow :D People make mistakes. It's all about learning & growing up and getting back on yr feet again. I mean, I know that I'll overcome this & look back someday laughing at how silly I was. & I am very thankful knowing that I've got people that loves me go through ups & downs with me. They still stayed by my side through hardships. So thankful ♥

Almost 5AM, phew! Gna jump in my pink Hello Kitty sheets nao! Comfy comfyy. Nights world ;)
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